I continue to beg my inner child for forgiveness. I beg Jethro’s inner child for forgiveness. I’m so sorry, I wish there was more that I could have done. But I was too late…..
Something saved my inner child at the last minute. I was about to lose her forever once. Not via death, but via some other kind of death, maybe we can call it a soul death.
It’s like when something happens in your life and you have to sink or swim and if you choose to swim (which most do, because most of us have a pretty strong will to live that is hard to defy), in certain situations where you are choosing this, but the choice does not align with your integrity, or you are being exposed to egos, narcissism or hate by choosing to swim this path (and it usually needs to be for a longer period of time for it to break you, but not always) you are going to be especially easy to break if you are already burnt out, and in choosing this path there usually is no choice.
That’s how someone can kill their “spirit” a little. By and large, from October 2023 until January 2024, I was in this non-integral situation that killed my spirit a little. I felt it once it was over and it saddens me because thats my inner child I’m killing.
Unfortunatly, I had no choice but to conform to this useless spirit killing battle, and you really have to choose your battles, but I didn’t choose this battle in this time frame, I was pushed into it and I didn’t have the energy to fight it, but I did anyway not for me but for others I loved who would have suffered had I given up. In no way was this battle just either, but I’m starting to realise that I think justice is a utopian idea, like happiness or money being the source of said happinesss. So in consequence, I weighed in on my spirit and killed it a little recently.
I was so tired when it was all over, I only just made it, and although I learnt some valuable life lessons by fighting this battle and getting it done, I definitely paid quite greatly for them with my energy and spirit. It feels like I paid for them, with this currency I didn’t really have to spend. I took from the reserve of my soul that it’ss looking more and more baron as I grow up. I don’t have the privilege or support or tools needed to know how to be kind enough to myself to re-fuel it either. I’m spiritually broken again, and I want to recover, but I keep not recovering.
Now, all of a sudden I have been thrown back into the ring yet again, another battle awaits, maybe three, and I’m starting to get “Change by Lana Del Rey resentful.”
“Lately Ive been thinking it’s someone else’s job to care. Who am I to sympathise, when no one gave a damn? Lately Ive been thinking it’s just somebody else’s job to care, because who am I to want to try? But…..”
“But…….”
But what? Do you think? What comes after the “but….” following a thought process like this?
Im scared.
And I am alone.
This girl needs therapy…..
Towards the end of the podcast there is a minute of silence to ponder a certain abstract question I have, roused from within me by Eric Weinstein and a quote of his from an interview I watched tonight.
"You can always tell who’s guilty by the person who declares a time of healing” Eric Weinstein. (Harvard University graduate for mathematical physics and a philosopher/podcaster)
To paraphrase this quote by Weinstein, what he is saying for a situation like my friend Jethro Cave’s death, is if there happens to be a lot of media attention on an incident that’s not wanting media attention (just in case 2 and 2 are put together, which no one has in it’s entirety yet and if they did they probably would keep their mouth shut in the fear of being harmed. In Jethro’s case the answer still remains “unknown”).
Additionally, the person declaring the privacy is wanting YOU, the people, to stop asking any questions about the incident or better yet, don’t even start.
However, did Nick Cave remain TOO silent this time? In comparison to his very publicised grief for his first son who died at only 16 years old, several years earlier. This was a time of grief Nick Cave was happy to thrust into the public’s view whether we wanted it or not. Nick Cave made a huge song and dance out of Arthur Cave's death………Literally.
Arthur once came to me in a lucid dream. He was dressed kind of like this and he was the saddest person I had ever communicated with.In comparison, these are the first and last ever words mentioned by Nick Cave (5 days after Jethro had died) about Jethro’s death:
"With much sadness, I can confirm, that my son Jethro has passed away. We would be grateful for family privacy at this time.” - Nick Cave (Jethro Cave’s father and Melbourne musician and writer/film writer).
According to mathematician and philosopher Eric Weinstein’s hypothesis, this is Nick Cave’s way of saying he thinks we the people should stop asking him anything about this story and never mention it again, because he is not going to, EVER again. (And It was never EVER mentioned again by Nick Cave since the incident……….NOTHING has been said).
I did find out that Jethro’s body was in autopsy for around six months, it could have been more, I lost contact with the morgue once Jethros parents had told them to stop giving me any information. (I’m assuming more his mother than his father).
I believe Nick Cave wrote something small about Jethro on his website, but he wrote more about his ex-girlfriend's death than his own son. This was an ex-girlfriend from one million years ago, maybe his first or second girlfriend.
Nick’s ex-girlfriend’s death was only a couple months prior to Jethros death, and this could possibly be because she may stll have been using heroin (I was told she was in and out of recorvery by a reliable source), and at the time the heroin was lethal and heroin addicts were dropping off frequently. It had a lethal amount of Fentynol (a pharmaceutical) in it, which is stronger than Heroin and will kill a non-seasoned user in a few minutes to seconds.
So why is he staying silent on this death? I have thought that not answering questions about something is a good thing for the guilty in a police interview situation? DUH! Do you not listen to hip hop? …..
"Your shit is like the police asking us questions, ni%$a we don’t know shit!” - Drake ("Aubrey", from track, Worst Behaviour (The 6 6 6 )).
By and large, ONE ALWAYS STAYS SILENT when being questioned about something they have information about that they don’t want others knowing. I use the example of staying silent during an interview with the cops after you have committed a serious crime, like murder.
If you know they have very little evidence, or maybe just a eye witness (which is weak evidence, these days I’m not sure if eye witness accounts from civilians is even taken seriously by the courts anymore. It shouldn’t be).
Staying silent puts a stop to any police investigation, until you do say something, as long as there is little to no evidence.
Furthermore, they can only hold you for 24 hours without sufficient evidence. Then voila, you are let go and you are a free murderer.
So what am I saying?
Well, what I’m saying is pretty obvious and for anyone who truly cared about and loved Jethro as I did, would and should be asking the same questions.
Why was Nick Cave advised by his lawyers to stay silent about Jethros death when he was/is so vocal about Arthur Cave’s death?
Does Weinstein’s (2023) Hypothesis hold up when it comes to Jethro Cave's death that, “you can always tell who’s guilty by the person who declares a time of healing?”
I’ll end this thought by adding that Nick Cave said more about Sinead O’connor’s death, than he did about the passing of his own son, and my best friend, Jethro Cave’s passing only at the beginning of the second part of his life. Jethro, was just about to be re-born and I was witnessing it the night before he died. My hard work was paying off after all these years. The road ahead was long and seemingly impossible in some ways. However, I was willing to be there by his side, for a very long time.
Jethro, a person like no other I have known. He was a person who I always looked upon as so innocent in how he went about everything. Including, the way he loved. When he loved you, you were everything to him. He loved like a child, like he had nothing to lose, but to get to the position of him allowing that innocent side of himself to come out to love anyone in the first place, was not an easy battle.
He trusted no one, but neither do I, so I understood this. And I understood a lot about Jethro. I understood his soul. I would talk to his inner child who had been very lonely for a long time, before I came along. I offered his inner child copious amounts of real love, that was taken in teeny tiny quantities by little Jethro, which was enough to start bringing him back to life, very slowly.
There were times when Jethro and I were at war, which hurt my inner child because she loved Jethros inner child. Most of our relationship was my inner child coercing Jethros inner child out of hiding to come out and play with her, also not such an easy task. However, we got there, to the love, and it got easier and easier and Jethro was able to be silly around me eventually which was the goal. He ebbed and flowed in and out of it, out of utter fear. How I wish I could have made him believe, whole heatedly that little Danica was never going to purposely hurt little Jethro.
I knew that as soon as he was on drugs or drugs were in the equation, his inner child would run back into the darkness again. Gone without a trace.
However, the whole time I knew Jethro, up until the last night he was alive and we spoke, little Danica had never stopped waiting for him to come back so she could quickly grab him away from the dark side and convince him come to her paradise and play again. Anoyingly this never stopped being a challenging task, but I couldn’t give up on Jethro (because he was sad me when I was sad a few years earlier and all I needed was a friend, so I kept being his friend), he would always love to play once I got him in the right head space to do so.
Little Danica continues to wait for Little Jethro to come out again, like he used too. My heart breaks for her anticipation that will not be met with that love she felt every time he came back to her. Sorry little Danica I have fucked all this up again. I only ever saw the little Jethro side of Jethro after a few months into knowing him. I would ignore the bigger corrupted Jethro, because that wasn’t Jethro. That was a person I never got too know very well. I wasn’t interested in that Jethro. My inner child loved Jethros inner child and that was from where our bond derived and did until little Jethro passed away in 2022.
I still have yet to grieve little Jethro. But I must let him go. Not his memory, just the idea of little Jethro in my life. I must grieve this now, grieve the pain of his absence that I feel everyday in his absence.
I have plans to let the idea of little Jethro as a active energy in my life go, very soon.
The Predator Podcast brought to you by Lost Love Productions PTY LTD
COPYRIGHT DANICA CONWELL 2024 all rights reserved
In saying that, a soul death, would be a complete death of your spirit and you ain’t never coming back. Death with little hope of resurrection because my ego was getting tired.
Music by Kanye West and TY Dolla IGN 0.00%↑ sign from Vultures 1 track feat Chris Brown Beg Forgiveness.
The rest of the music you will hear during the video is by The Avalanches, a Melbourne electronic sample band. And also Drake and Chris Brown “I don’t wanna.”
The pictures are not mine and do not belong to me and I did not take them. I have collected them from legal websites over the years. Credit to the respective owners. Thank you.
The video is directed, produced and editted by me. The music is arranged by me and my opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinions of the artists or people I speak about. They are only my opinions only, there is not necessarily any fact behind any of it.
However, behind every word I say there is always truth, beauty and meaning. Plus truth.
Vivian V <3
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