TALKING TO THE DEAD
Is not possible because they are dead.
I just had a thought and it made me really excited because I thought that I really wanted to tell Jethro the thought process that I went through when I found out he had died.
It was an excitable thought for me, but then I remembered, well I can NEVER EVER actually do that. However, it wasn’t a morbid thought process…….That’s until I decided to write it down here now and just thought after re-reading it or reading it as you and then I thought, oh that sounds morbid.
And here we go! This, is the point, thought. I thought, you, the reader, would find that to be a sad moment for me to have. Excitable, wouldn’t be the feeling you might have guessed I felt. That’s because death is sad. Okay, got it.
Rape is shameful. Uh huh, got it.
Females are caregivers and males are protectors. Check and Check.
You might see where I’m going with this. This very construct of our psychology in Western society is the very construct that fucking kills me. (Die).
TO RESET TO GO BACK TO THE GARDEN OF EDEN - ITS INEVITABLEIt has been very obvious to me, that what we think and what we understand, are two different things but can be confused easily. Just because I have just been told, “the world isn’t going to end,” and hypothetically, (I have never come down or even have slghtly liked this drug, (i hate it) but I’ve just seen Trainspotting a few times), I’m coming down from Heroin, and I LITERALLY feel like the world is ending! Just because I can have that thought, doesn’t mean I understand it.
What is a better life example I can give? Oh colour! I knew colour existed all through my life up until I was 29 years old, wow super genius, but you know the same way I knew my hands existed. After my spiritual awakening, which opened my mind up to now boundless ideas and knowledge of existence, in a nutshell. (I have explained my S.A before but never like that, ha sounds insane, but what can I say, it’s what happened). I came back to this reality, saw colour and understood it for the first time. I didn’t just look at the colour, I saw it. It’s like hearing and then listening or looking versus noticing (Noticing, we will come back to) and thinking versus understanding. It’s just the next level, but it’s the next level in an entirely different game that is way more interesting and beautiful.
If you have ever taken psychedelics you probably know what I’m talking about. If not, well time to start noticing then.
Noticing, really should be the next mindfulness in meditational western trends (who has the skills to sell it to New Farm and Ascot wives! I went for a Brisbane reference…) and I think it’s just as, maybe even more, powerful than mindfulness. It’s like taking mindfulness and applying that feeling of meditation you get from practising it, but it’s an instant application to full waking life.
One must confront what one is thinking and saying with what one is doing, what one is - Foucault
I always feel so good after doing mindfulness, it changed my life in a lot of areas, but mostly sex, anxiety and self-love. I did it every day for around 15 months and after that, I started to enjoy sex for the first time. Phew. Before that, I couldn’t quite understand what it was for, except getting things I needed. I’m not talking about money or diamonds (I wasn’t that smart), I would use sex to bargain for things like power and love. VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. But not to me, up to the time I turned 29. I spent a lot of time seeking power from other human beings, and more morbidly, not enjoying sex! But it took me 15 months to to apply the mindfulness goodness meaningfully to my life. If I simply notice anything in the world, I can instantly apply those beautiful mindfulness aspects, instantly. If I simply allowed myself to notice during sex before my first S.A, I would have enjoyed it more. No one said no-thing!
Riiiiight. lol, we ain’t talking rocket science here, but I was a slow learner. This has taken me 30-something years to UNDERSTAND. So I’d hate to actually study rocket science. Gawwwd.
I think about yoko ono and think fuck, she’s lived an extra 50 years thereabouts without Lennon. I always think about the time we could have had if he hadn’t gone, and the time wasted not knowing each other before we met.
All my boyfriends are dead. Sorry ha, the last two are and it’s quite bizarre swimming through this alternate reality. An alternative to people whose last two boyfriends are still alive, that is.
Time becomes more noticeable in this reality if the mind is weak. But I was told it is important in this reality, but not in the other one. I wouldn’t make that up! But it was said to me like, it’s important in this reality but it’s not important. OVERALL. Or am I making that up? ha. I don’t think I am, but I do believe it. Do you think time mattered to the dinosaurs? Evolution mattered, as in survival and breeding, but time has become more than that now, and it’s not good because it’s tied up with money which is falsely tied up with power which is tied up to control and making a slave to us all, but it’s the new normal.
The result = No one knows what anything means anymore.
So like Lana, I’m going scorcher and I’ll also decide to do nothing, about everything.