Read My Gold Chain Says "DANICA"
More words on masochism, for the record. + Editor Danica Conwells notes/introduction
A MASOCHIST’S WORLD
Editor’s note Danica Conwell -
I have had some questions concerning my sudden pivot towards a BDSM theme within this blog and an admittance of being from this community as a Type II masochist. I thought I explained what a Masochist was quite well in the sadomasochistic article I wrote a few weeks back. However, the questions I have been asked about it since then, have led me to believe otherwise.
“So what, does that mean you like pain?” Is an example. I explained in great detail what I know a Masochist to be, looking at my own life and also from reading manga and seeing myself in the masochistic character’s adaptations. Never in that article did I say I like pain. I dislike pain, just as much as the next person, when it comes to physical pain, maybe even more. I’m very intolerant of physical pain, let’s just get that straight.
However, the reality of the experience of being a masochist is not the mainstream idea of one. More than not, an incorrect depiction of a stereotype, that is not at all based anywhere near within this reality is portrayed and believed by the masses. Furthermore, what life is like for a Masochist female, both internally and externally, is presumably very different than for a male. I’m going to assume the mainstream idea of being a “typical masochist” is the experience of being one from a males perspective, like everything is.
A note on Book 50 Shades of Grey: “50 shades of Doom Blow,” this book is not written from a female masochists perspective, The Manga Cheeky Brat is, or Lana Del Rey’s album Paradise is. Trust me, if you want to read about REAL BDSM, read most of the latest Manhwa Webtoonz, or some manga’s I have recommended, they are on the money when it comes to that topic, seems more openly accepted in their culture. I don’t know why they get it so on point but they do. This stupid book series and films (don’t get me started on the films), were just capitalist money making scams. I can recommend many more manga as well, that depict a BDSM relationship better than that horrible, “Danielle Steel does BDSM,” bullshit of a book. The films Secretary and the 1980’s film Crash also do it well, both starring James Spader.
The BDSM community were not impressed with 50 Shades of Doom Blow’d depiction of BDSM, and being the friend of many within that community at the time, I felt really gross after seeing what a fool, the movies especially, made of it. Further strengthening these dumb ass stereotypes that do not fit the female model of a masochist.
I don’t even know If I have the vocabulary or emotional intelligence to explain masochism myself yet, I’m still learning and I won’t do it justice. However, by writing these blogs on the subject and doing the research, that I do for a lot of my blog posts, I have the confidence my vocabulary will expand on this subject, by this time next year. I guess that is the beauty of re-drafting and reading. I do the same for my podcasts, just recording and re-listening and researching and repeating.
HOW IS A MASOCHIST MADE?
I believe, the environment is more impactful on change in general, than nature, so in this article I write about masochism to try and grasp why I have this opinion and try to break some harmful stereotypes and maybe ease some shame or guilt felt by some around actually being one.
I will over the coming weeks explain how a child learns to be a masochist also. I thought I gave a pretty good insight into what it means to be a masochist a month ago in my sadomasochistic article, mostly highlighting the struggles of the relationship the masochist has with themselves and the role the dominant plays to make the masochist get real with the universe and with their feelings and vulnerability. However, this needs to be reiterated slightly, using more popular reference points, aside from manga. Manga, is probably too niche and exactly zero of you probably understood the main reference.
In saying that, 30-something boys still struggle with the idea that The Matrix is a parable of the Parable of the Cave, from Plato’s The Republic. It’s a Similar problem.
…I mean, I understand how it is directly correlated to the cave story. I don’t understand whats so hard to understand.
And I’ve only seen about 20 minutes of The Matrix!
Well, on the bright side, maybe some of you get it. You see, if references are what you use to learn, like me, they are more important to us than they are to them. Which means I should use more popular ones to explain what I mean in a bid to allow a more broader audiences to understand. A lot of the women I idolise would say, fuck the broader audience, but I have always cared more than I should about them. I always score ninety eight per cent for compassion, give or take, on any personality test. Similarly, same result for assertiveness. I’m extremely compassionately assertive. (Scary).
In any case, the roles of sex or gender, when they are tightly ingrained into societal norms , makes non-norms, like masochism get over-looked. A lot of women out there are masochists and don’t know it, and therefore are either ashamed, guilty or scared of that side of themselves. Even worse, angry at that side of themselves. (We were all mostly raised by Baby boomers though, can you blame us?).
Masochism Versus Feminism
The Modern and True Meaning of Masochism
When defining equality, I have often viewed it as problematic and favoured female freedom of choice—the ability for women to define their own identities in the same way men can, even in ways that challenge societal norms of femininity. Which are also usually ill-informed.
Masochism, within a romantic or sexual relationship context, is often misinterpreted as submission to another, especially in male-female dynamics. This can lead to criticism of masochism as anti-feminist. However, as heard in Lana Del Rey’s Ultraviolence (2014), masochism can serve as a consensual and empowering expression of vulnerability, emotional complexity, and feminine desire. However, it’s not without it’s initial resentment and anger either as Del Rey depicts also in Money, Power, Glory and I Fucked My Way Too The Top. More recently depicted in songs like Taco Truck with lyrics like:
Read my gold chain says Lanita,
When I bow down it’s Bonita’s Way
Blood on my feet in the street
I’m dancing crazy
Spin it til you whip it into a cream, baby
Spin it into black and white pages, don’t faze me
Before you go, can I stop what you’re saying
“I know, I know, I know that you hate me.” - Lana Del Rey
Let’s break this down and deep dive into the mind of a masochist at the age of 37 as is Lana Del Rey. It will offer great insight into what a masochist may be in chararacter, feeling, mentally and how they interct with others especially men (for striaght women which i am).
This excerpt from Lana Del Rey’s lyrics can be interpreted as a poetic reflection of a masochistic persona, both reveling in pain and simultaneously challenging the perceptions of others. Here’s an analysis:
The Gold Chain and Masochistic Symbolism
• “Read my gold chain says Lanita”:
The gold chain symbolizes identity, status, and perhaps the constraints she has chosen or accepted. “Lanita” (a diminutive or alternate version of her name) suggests a more intimate or vulnerable side of her. This could reflect how a masochist wears their pain or identity openly, almost as a badge of honor, showing the world a deliberate vulnerability.
Dancing Through Pain
• “Blood on my feet in the street / I’m dancing crazy”:
The image of dancing with bloodied feet suggests enduring pain but transforming it into something beautiful or cathartic. For a masochist, this could signify finding meaning and pleasure in suffering, embracing pain as a form of self-expression or even liberation.
Spinning Into Cream and Black-and-White Pages
• “Spin it till you whip it into a cream, baby”:
This line could signify turning raw, chaotic emotions (pain, rejection, or misconceptions) into something rich and meaningful, like cream—a transformation process. It reflects how masochists may channel their experiences of suffering into art, beauty, or self-discovery.
• “Spin it into black and white pages, don’t faze me”:
This could allude to the media or public turning her life, pain, or persona into simplified narratives (“black and white pages”). The masochist’s response is indifference to these reductive judgments—she’s unfazed, having internalized and accepted the complexities of her nature.
The Relationship Dynamic and Being Hated
• “Before you go, can I stop what you’re saying / ‘I know, I know, I know that you hate me.’”:
This could reflect the masochist’s vulnerability in relationships, where they perceive disdain or rejection from others due to their openness or misunderstood complexity. The line suggests an awareness of being hated or judged but also an almost resigned acceptance of it, tying into the masochistic tendency to thrive on emotional or relational conflict.
The “hate” could stem from how the masochist challenges societal norms or forces others to confront discomforting truths about vulnerability and power dynamics. It may also reflect an internalized guilt or shame projected onto how others view her.
TBC
x Verity
Copyright Danica Conwell 2024 All Rights Reserved
THE ANIMASIA SEX CULT MANGA & MANHWA FAN GURLZ PODCAST
I haven’t been writing as many blogs lately or posting because I decided to try and monitise my YouTube channel. There comes a point in every content creators life when they post a video or usually, a short, and they instantly get 500 views on it, when they are used to getting 5.
At that moment one may decide to pop on into their settings and go to google ads, and they may decide to see what this is all about. They will pay Google $50 and run the popular video as a promotion through Google. Then suddenly the video gets 1500 more views. Then the next video you post that you don’t promote gets 1000 views and then you end up with 5 times the subs you had before you posted the 500 view video and then you find yourself having to decide is this a job or a hobby? I decided job, so that’s why I’ve been focussing on that. In that time I’ve been banned from Google ads, had two serious warnings from YouTube about my content and been banned from Twitch.
Soooooooo, I don’t know how far I can actually take this now (lol). But I’m not giving up THAT easy. So we shall see how we go. If you enjoyed my podcast from before I have a similar one up on YouTube that’s not Manga called Doom Blow, and my old podcasts are up there, including Sex Cult, The Predator Podcast & The Lonely girls verse Nick Cave. I’ll post my latest Manhwa reading up here because Manhwa is very similar to The Predator Podcast, kinda political, kinda trashy.
THE ABSOLUTE THRESHOLD - A Webtoonz Manhwa about a mafia boss’s daughter and her regretful one night stand with the director of the mafia, the gangster Director Jeong.
Latest Narration E-MANGA THE ABSOLUTE THRESHOLD there are two. I’ll post one and if you likeyyy you can go to youtube and listen to more. This is the Manhwa (Webtoonz) with a 4 chapter one night stand. It was my first Manhwa smut experience and innocence truely lost. Lol. I narrate the 4 chapter smut race awesomeness but it got me banned from Twitch for 7 days and so it will be available on my personal website once I have concluded the available chapters of this manhwa. There’s a few more smut scenes to go for this one. They only last 2 chapters though. One might last three. Lol. They are definitely an expeirence everytime lol. I got a smut manga in mind to do once i conclude this one. Manga is more story based, the story just as good as the smut. Manhwa it can be more on the trashy side, which I love, but might need a break after this one! It’s the top of trash gangster smut in South Korea.
And here it is…Ha! -
This is Midnight Manga triple manga special, get a taste of three of the mangas I’m reading at the moment. I’m only reading five. ONLY -
This is NAIMAKIKAZARI, the manga I keep referencing as the best depiction of a more normalised, BDSM dynamic. Probably unknowingly BDSM:
xo enjoy
<3
