Challenges and Misunderstandings in Sadist/Masochist Relationships
BDSM // NAIMAKIKAZARI
BDSM // NAIMAKIKAZARI
Im going to write about this and explore it, in reference to a Japanese manga comic. This is safe. Manga is like a great metaphor, and I LOVE metaphor.
The Manga Obsession from a Masochist’s Perspective
Manga does stereotype’s, cliches, trashy plot lines, obvious plot lines and controversial plot lines REALLY well. This is why I find myself becoming obsessed with them over and over again, at different times in my life mostly to fill a void healthily. The beauty lies in each manga I read, incorporating all the things within it I listed above, when no other art form would usually ever dare to go to these places. Manga doesn’t just dare to, it willingly and unashamedly goes there and that’s fucking beautiful. It’s true self indulgence for me, why would I ever need reality? (Oh scary). NAIMAKI KAZARI, intensely indulges my BDSM needs.
I started obsessing over this manga series, from the second I was introduced to the main character Shou Naruse. It was like, “oh hello past men in my life.” The past in general is truly seductive to me, because like most people, I’m seduced by nostalgia. However, I might be seduced by it a little more than your average person. This is a side note that has nothing to do with being a masochist, this feeds into my “Molly” doll fetish.
The Flawless Detailed Characterisation by Mitsubachi Miyuki, the writer of NAIMAKIKAZARI
The female character in the manga is named Yuki (pictured above) and she was me today (and everyday). I caught myself acting the exact same way she does with a male friend in my life today. This problem is that I find Yuki’s character very annoying to read, ironically. However, I can’t help but become this Yuki character in reality, like we are twins!
Like Yuki, my emotional intelligence, when it comes to men, is a little stunted. Until Naruse comes into (forces himself into) Yuki’s life, Yuki had largely ignored the boys at school, and I ignored men until I was 29. I had a six year relationship with one during that time, I don’t know how that worked (it didn’t). But reading the character of Yuki has been wildly therapeutic, because masochist see, masochist do. Seeing yourself depicted flawlessly (with all her flaws) and having that clarity and identification has been some what of an awakening for me. When the times comes that you start understanding yourself more, the more kindness you can give to yourself and the larger your consciousness grows. I got all that from a Japanese manga series.
However tiring it is to be a masochist sometimes, I know no other way and I have now found healthy-ish ways to live it out now. These new ways don’t involve a scarring emotional pain left in it’s presence, mostly. So I shall proceed….
The Instinctual and Boundless Search and Capture of the Perfect Dominant by a Masochist
This then had me thinking, that the one thing a true masochist needs is a good dominant/sadist.
I have searched and found some of the best dominants in my past. Maybe I got lucky or maybe I’m just really good at finding them? Im good at understanding that this personality type will lead to that personality type, which will eventually lead me to the dominant somewhere down the line soon. I used to do this on instinct without any control, now I understand I possess this instinct, and it is strong within me. Now, when I do seek a dominant, I do so on purpose and with care. Unfortunately, I haven’t had any leads for a while, until I read NAIMAKI KAZARI and met Shou Naruse (pictured above).
How Naruse and Yuki Play out the Perfect BDSM Relationship in the Manga
In NAIMAKI KAZARI, the dynamics between Yuki and Naruse encapsulates the give-and-take, plus the power play that’s typical of a masochist/dominant-sadist relationship. And it is played out rather healthily, because Naruse is a great dominant.
Yuki’s role/ personality is at times uncontrollably masochistic and I feel her pain. Her struggle is obviously real a lot of the time, and a lot of energy goes into protecting this desire and true masochistic self within her, always worried she is going to be found out to be a deviant for playing these games at all. She has yet to accept that this is the natural way she will always need to approach a dominant when they come her way and she’s good at it.
Her humility is low, shame ego still rule her, and this is not that fun for a masochist. If a masochist gets the chance to increase humility and kill their ego, then they can start having more fun with their dominants. Naruse, just comes waltzing into Yuki’s life, and because he is so confident in his role as a dominant, this openly offers her a non shame based way to indulge in these games she secretly loves with him. Her struggle with all the emotions he triggers within her only serve to broaden her obsession with him deep inside.
Naruse has accepted his role a a dominant, his character capturing the caring nature of a dominant very well. To most he will seem simply over ally controlling most of the time, but this is what care looks like from a dominant’s role.
As the masochist, Yuki isn’t purely about pain or submission, she loves also the emotional excitement, the yielding of control, and perhaps even the irritation of her boundaries being tested by Naruse. A sadist in a dominant role, will also sought to push a masochist’s buttons, heightening their emotions, and grounding them in a reality both exhilarating and unsettling.
The masochist/sadist dynamic, at its core, is not just about a physical act. It’s the underlying psychological tension that feeds into each character’s motivations and intensifies their connection. A masochist will be drawn to a sadist not for the pain alone, but for the heightened awareness and the self-acceptance that blooms for them under a dominant figure.
For someone like me, with a strong sense of independence or past power struggles, the allure of a dominant lies in an indulgent and nostalgic sensation as stated earlier. A means of reliving trauma from my past, while observing from a distance. This is one way for me to deal with the loss of my childhood. (In some ways however, I had a very typical and fulfilling childhood experience. Which means my masochism isn’t a ten on the spectrum, I’d place it on a six or seven though).
Voyeurism
For me, voyeurism plays an essential role in this relationship type. Watching Yuki fall into predictable but compelling patterns with Naruse, especially her tendency to push him away, almost into the arms of other women, which he finds no shortage of waiting in the wings for him. She does this several times in the series, and then hooks him back in as he starts to float away.
“If you’re lost at sea, Ill command your boat right back to me” - Lana Del Rey Mariner’s Apartment Complex (masochist)
Voyeurism, as I understand it, isn’t only about the visual or physical components, but the fascination in witnessing one’s own responses from the outside.
It’s almost as if watching Yuki’s reactions under Naruse’s influence holds up a mirror to my own patterns. Yuki’s level of voyeurism, I’ve found myself inexplicably drawn to. The sensation of my need to voyeur with the past men in my life, as they come and go in new forms is a strong need in all my relationships. If I am with a non-sadist dominant, I have in the past unhealthily dominated them into becoming dominant. This is unhealthy and I don’t recommend it.
However the thought of any true dominant sadist that has been in my life in the past, that nostalgia of their presence is truely seductive, familiar, and comforting for me, even if the experience itself is painful, challenging and unsettling. A masochist can find enlightenment within these dynamics with a dominant.
And if I was going to find it anywhere right now, manga was always going to be where. It is also a safe place for me to explore my masochism, than with other non dominant humans. I have hurt alot of people in the past who weren’t dominants with my masochism, because they are failed to understand why I am the way I am. A sadist/dominant understands.
The Power Play Between A Masochist and a Dominant
In my past I have found myself playing these games with innocent non-dominants, and this never ends well. I would no longer do this today, it is predatorial, and I’ve left that lifestyle behind. However, I can get very self-destructive without it.
This power play forces Yuki to get vulnerable with Naruse and tell him she loves him and seems to make their love grow stronger. However, ouside of the BDSM framework, can really fuck up a regular relationship pretty fast. These games are dangerous, but this is semi-the point for masochists and sadists. They just become harmful over time outside of a BDSM relationship. A time out is needed for both BDSM and regular relationships, times to just be together as regular human beings. However, personally, I don’t think I will ever be able to live my life in this time out, maybe when I’m 80! Maybe!
Yuki and Naruse play these games very well. Again, mostly because Naruse knows when to step on the breaks with Yuki and dominant her into submission, which she stays in for some time afterwards. Which is what she needs and eventually will discover she wants also.
Yuki’s Masochism is 24/7 because she is completely unaware of it yet. It is more prevalent than Naruse’s dominance, which makes her game playing more brutal than if she was aware of it. Her games pushing Naruse to become dominant are hardcore in very subtle ways. They are great though and humorous watching from the outside, in. However, because Naruse’s dominance is so controlled, he won’t give into them sometimes just to annoy her, even though you can see she has him on the edge sometimes. But his self control is obviously purposeful to withhold this pleasure from her. Instead of giving her what she wants, he just annoys her instead. Which is what a good sadist will do.
When Naruse can’t control his dominant side, with his sadistic side, and gives into it, he is a hardcore dominant. He stalks Yuki like prey and eventually attacks her, like an Anaconda, taking Yuki down to submission in perfect dominant force.
My Testament to NAIMAKIKAZARI and Miyuki’s Depiction Through her Characters
The clichés and stereotypes in a manga like NAIMAKIKAZARI, are so on point that the writer must have been in many of these relationships herself, if she hasn’t and this is an accident, then, it’s one very amazing and respectful (to the culture) guess.
Her characters help us masochists strip away the “noise” of everyday relationships, which leaves us only within a true BDSM dream world, even down to the fashion and physical dynamic these relationships require. The writer Miyuki nails them.
These characters can be uncomfortably accurate at times too, feelings of guilt and maybe even shame are brought to the surface for me, but this is beautiful also, to be given the chance to bring them to the surface and look at them and get to know them better. They aren’t easy to uncover, it usually takes a very natural and great dominant to do it, or the depiction of one also works! And these uncomfortable feelings serve no benefit me, especially if I happen to be in a dark place. The pleasure of being able to feel these buried emotions and understand them is beautiful for me and it comes from the pain of feeling them that usually only a dominant can make me feel, within their control.
Desires Played Out Helping Me to Accept the Seemingly Unacceptable Around Me
Reflections of my desires, play out in front of me in Yuki and Naruse’s relationship journey, triggering that familiarity of my own past relationships. Despite the fact this brings up the good feelings as well as the bad, there will always be a magnetic pull to reel me back into these familiar patterns, because I am a lifer with these needs, and Im ok with it. It has been accepted. Whether due to the thrill, nostalgia, or a masochistic draw, these characters allow me to explore this within a safe frame.
Ultimately, manga offers this all to me within one or two relationships, and I never am disappointed, it can always be found in at least 3 manga series at any given time I go back to them.
In the play between Yuki’s vulnerability and Naruse’s provocations, I find a place to examine my own relationship with control, submission, and the voyeuristic thrill of observing my reactions from a distance. It’s self-indulgent, yes, but that’s part of the beauty. Like Yuki, I have suffered to keep this type of relationship tightly in my grasp when I find it, no matter how painful it gets. The pain is the point. Pain is a great destroyer but also the greatest teacher and it is how I grow spiritually. It’s all worth it once you make it over to the other side.
My desire to experience life from both sides consciously and extremely, as both participant and observer, will never go away, and the feelings it presents to me are all part of the experience that makes this lifestyle addictive, exciting and meaningful.
Love Verity x
The Latest manga edit from my first youtube manga channel: MANGAFANGURLZ:
References
Cavallaro, Dani. Anime and the Visual Novel: Narrative Structure, Design, and Play at the Crossroads of Animation and Computer Games. McFarland, 2010.
A detailed exploration of narrative and metaphor in Japanese visual storytelling, including how manga and anime employ stereotypes and character archetypes to engage readers.
Hoagland, Sarah Lucia. Lesbian Ethics: Toward New Value. Institute of Lesbian Studies, 1988.
An examination of power dynamics and ethics in relationships, including BDSM, which offers insight into the appeal and psychological complexity of sadist-masochist relationships.
Kazari, Naimaki. Cheeky Brat. Shueisha, 2013–present.
This is the primary manga referenced, which explores the complex relationship between Yuki and Shou Naruse, blending tropes and stereotypes to craft an indulgent, dramatic love story.
Langdridge, Darren, and Meg Barker, editors. Safe, Sane and Consensual: Contemporary Perspectives on Sadomasochism. Palgrave Macmillan, 2007.
A collection of essays examining the psychological, social, and cultural aspects of BDSM relationships, particularly masochist-sadist dynamics, which is central to the blog’s exploration.
Noy, Chaim. Performing Identity: Tourists and Narratives of Memory. Ashgate, 2007.
Analyzes how people engage in “performative” roles in relationships and how nostalgia shapes identity, relevant to understanding how masochist-sadist relationships echo past patterns.
Stein, Marc. Sadomasochism and the BDSM Community in the United States: Kinky Sex and Politics. Routledge, 2020.
Provides an overview of BDSM communities and relationships, offering a foundation for discussing masochism and its appeal.
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